Psychologist Paul Schoenfeld, with more than 50 years of experience working with older adults and having himself passed the 70-year mark, shares personal and professional observations on how to maintain emotional balance during aging. His many years of practice are likely connected with leading Seattle institutions, such as the University of Washington with its strong programs in psychology and gerontology, or local medical centers. He acknowledges that the path is not easy, but emphasizes: it is better than the alternative.
The first thing to come to terms with is the inevitable changes in the body. The author compares the body to an old car: even with good care, parts wear out. Unexpected diagnoses or ailments can cause feelings of fear and betrayal, but it is important to treat them as “maintenance” — see doctors promptly and accept what cannot be changed. In Seattle, where the older population is growing, unique aging challenges include the high cost of living, potential social isolation, and the need for affordable transportation.
The brain also undergoes age-related changes. Forgetfulness, distraction, and minor “glitches” like losing keys can be annoying. The key to peace of mind is accepting these “blemishes” as a natural part of life, rather than a reason for self-blame or despair.
Aging is associated with a series of losses: the fading of former mental sharpness and physical agility, the passing of friends and loved ones, new pains. This gives rise to suffering, which the author defines as the desire for these unpleasant sensations and emotions not to exist. Suffering comes and goes, and it is helpful to cultivate a more neutral, accepting attitude toward these changes.
An important, though difficult, step is cultivating acceptance of one’s own mortality. As the author notes, many fear not death itself but the process of dying. Reflection on this topic, similar to Buddhist practice, helps one psychologically prepare for the inevitable end. In Seattle, where centers like the Seattle Insight Meditation Society or the Sakya Monastery exist, such teachings on mortality are accessible and reflect the city’s spiritual diversity.
Rather than fearing the future, the author suggests meeting aging with curiosity. Each day at this stage of life is an opportunity to learn something new about oneself and the world, to become wiser. Although many events are beyond our control, we can always choose how to respond to them. Local organizations such as Sound Generations or Aging and Disability Services can provide support through programs that improve the psychological well-being of older adults.
A sense of humor provides invaluable help. Small domestic mishaps — spilled coffee, a dropped jar, a stain on pants — become less vexing if you can laugh at them. This helps avoid taking age-related inconveniences too personally.
The author’s main conclusion is a call to live in the present. Awareness of the limitedness of the future makes each current moment priceless. It is important not to waste time, but to fully feel and appreciate everything the day brings: sounds, colors, emotions, and sensations. This moment is all we have.
Based on: The secrets to peace and poise while aging | Mental Health Perspectives